Postpartum Depression

Alright, let’s start this off with a bang. Postpartum depression (PPD) is probably one of the biggest topics I wanted to talk about. Before I get into my story, let’s get into a few PPD facts. Approximately 70-80% of women will experience at LEAST the “baby blues”. Recent studies show that 1 in 7 women may experience PPD within a year after giving birth. That’s just in the US alone. Postpartum depression affects tens if not hundreds of millions annually if all countries are accounted for. Studies have also found that 10% of new fathers experience symptoms of depression during the postpartum period. Women with a history of depression, anxiety disorders or serious mood disorders are 30-35% more likely to develop postpartum depression.

It’s hard to tell when my depression started. I mean, my whole pregnancy it didn’t feel real. Everything felt like a dream that I couldn’t wake up from. I was in labor for about 3-4 days. Long story short, I was induced but I wasn’t dilating anymore than 4cm I had to go in for what was basically an emergency c-section. Needless to say, I was beyond exhausted. Now, normally whenever a new mom sees their baby for the first time they are so overjoyed and crying and everything. I didn’t feel that way. I was very happy, don’t get me wrong, but I just didn’t feel connected to him. This could have been from the exhaustion, but who knows.

Fast forward to when we get home from the hospital. That’s when everything gets real. It’s so different because when you’re at the hospital, you have doctors and nurses coming in to check on you and the baby every hour or so, and answering all your questions. When you’re at home, you’re alone. Well not totally alone, I still had my parents and Michael and his mom. But as a new mom (at least for me) I didn’t want to rely on everyone and I wanted to learn things for myself. I guess it’s a little bit of a pride thing.

A week later, Michael has to go back to work and I’m actually by myself with a newborn. Things were okay, I was still in the process of figuring things out. At this point I’m breastfeeding and pumping, that way Michael could feed Hayden at night and I could get some sleep. But as most new moms know, you still have to wake up to pump or feed them because you’re leaking EVERYWHERE and it hurts. So I was the main one that would wake up with him every two hours. Oh, and when they tell you to sleep when the baby sleeps, it’s hard y’all! When the baby is sleeping you’re too busy worrying about making sure they’re breathing and everything. So here I am, 3am, feeding Hayden, trying not to fall asleep while doing so. I look over and Michael is, no pun intended, sleeping like a baby. I would just sit there and cry.

I never really thought about hurting myself or Hayden, but I remember thinking “what if he wasn’t here?” “What if I never got pregnant?” I was never planning on how to get rid of him or anything like that. I just didn’t feel like myself, and I kinda blamed him for it. The day it got really bad was the day that I couldn’t get Hayden to stop crying. Michael has just gotten home from work and I was sitting on the couch, emotionless while Hayden was screaming. Michael was trying to talk to me and ask me what was going on, but I wasn’t talking to him. He took Hayden and was able to get him to calm down. The next day while Michael was at work, he called me and was asking me if he could call my doctor and set an appointment up. I started breaking down crying and of course said yes. So the next day we went to the doctor and sure enough, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and was prescribed medicine.

If it wasn’t for my amazing and caring husband,I probably wouldn’t have gone to the doctor. Who knows how bad it could‘ve got? Moral of the story? Don’t be afraid to ask for help, or accept help when someone offers to give it. Especially if it comes down to your health or your baby’s health. Postpartum depression is common and it’s treatable. So that’s it for today! Until next blog, have a magical day!

~Kenzie